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Lothloriens view - Middlesbrough

The Guest House

The drive up to Middlesbrough was pleasant enough, the hills of the North Yorkshire moors looming up on us seemed very inviting and almost like a smaller version of the drive up to Stirling. This was my first visit to Middlesbrough and boy was I not ready for it. One minute we were in idyllic countryside and the next we were plunged into what looked like the aftermath of the Iraq war. Middlesbrough does not come accross as a prospering town. Driving down the road past the housing estate I thought I saw a window with a complete pane of glass in it, but I think it was some kind of trick of the light. Ok so I am going on about it, but it was the pits and I was beginning to think that this was not such a good idea.
The next thing we passed was the train station, just as the train full of football supporters had disembarked. The whole road cordoned off with policemen with dogs and on horseback, and a long line of really rock hard football supporters in Burberry hats. Can this get any worse I asked myself? It did.
After picking up Mo Kattz and Rosey from the station we made our way to..................IT!......... Absolutely THE worst B&B in the entire universe, and make no mistake, we have stayed in some dives in our time but this place made Steptoe's front room look like a palace. (Here I would like to thank miss Lesley Daniels for talking me out of staying in a £60 quid per night clean hotel and opting for this, the cheaper version)
The sign outside the .......(I struggle to call it a guest house) hovel said, Tea and Coffee making facilities in all rooms. Yeah right. Our room was at the very top of the 4 story house. The bed sheets had not been changed for weeks and the wallpaper was peeling off of the walls where the damp was coming through. There was absolutely NO tea or coffe making facilities, no towels, no soap, no bog roll in the loo (which was down the stairs and about the size of a medium rabbit hutch) The tv had a big hole in the middle where the buttons used to be and the quilts on the bed were just big enough to cover a small child and hid a mattress which was like sleeping on a bag of bricks.
Was it just our room I thought, so we went down to Mo and Lesley's room. The bin in their room was full of the last people's rubbish and the floor had never seen a hoover. There were STAINS????? on the bed sheets. But at least they had a kettle and some tea bags. But no cups, and when they asked the witch.....sorry I mean woman who owned the place for some milk she replied. "We don't provide milk."
There were children on skateboards playing on the landing and we later found out that they were from families who were staying there permanently on the DHSS. They were shoved even further to one side upon the arrival of some REAL guests (us).
I think that the term suicidal would describe my mood at this point, but Les and Mo got the drinks out and we laughed it off..........eventually.
Well after a very short nights sleep we wandered downstairs for........er.........er.........er.........ok I will call it breakfast just so you know what it was SUPPOSED to be but its not what I would normally call a breakfast.
As I sat down at the table, I noticed in front of me a place mat. I put my hand down on it and when I lifted it up the place mat was still stuck to my hand, a sort of indication that it wasn't too clean. In the corner of the dining room were 3 half empty plastic containers full of mouldy brown sauce.
Mo asked for a cup of tea and was promptly shown where the kettle was. "Make it yourself" was the retort. All of the available cups were minging with brown stains on them and the plastic spoons were still coated in yesterdays tea. As viv returned from the TEA?? room with a cup of brown stuff she found lesley inspecting the cutlery. "Isn't it clean?" viv asked and Lesley simply replied in a droll tone......."What do you think?" at which she handed Viv a desert spoon with the horriblest brown stain on it. Anyway the breakfasts arrived and as Viv tucked into her raw bacon she sort of pulled a face like the kind you would pull if your finger went through the bog roll. Needless to say she left the breakfast. "Do you have fruit juice?" Lesley asked expectantly. "No, we don't do fruit juice" came witchy's reply. "But I have some orange cordial. "Ooo yes please said Lesley" (Did she honestly think at that stage that all would be normal???) There you go said witchy, and handed lesley a 4 pint milk container half full of what looked like urine. Hahahah get that down ye lass.
Needless to say, respect for this place was pretty low and one of our party left some marmite smeared on the bed sheets just to make sure the lazy cow changed them for the next unfortunate people to stay there.

The Pub (now yer talkin' - Crunch)

Well after all of the hilarity of finding ourselves in a scene from Life Of Grime, we decided it was time to go and seek out the local night life. So the six of us set off down the road like the blokes from Reservoir Dogs in search of alcohol. I was planning on diving into the first boozer we came accross, I was in serious need of a mood change. We didn't come accross one. Not for what seemed like a few miles anyway. Then we suddenly found ourselves outside a pub called the Central. Lesley seemed to know exactly where we were going so we followed her in. It then became apparent why she had picked this particular boozer. There in the corner were Davy Cowan The support act for Runrig this evening and a bloke called Kevin who was Runrig's merchandise man for the evening, and Lesley thought that using her animal magnetism and charm on these two would secure her a backstage pass. She was right. Anyway I wasn't bothered, I had found what I was looking for and the first two pints went down quicker than you could say "dirty scum sucking pus filled hovel of a guest house" and all my cares were over.
We sat with Davy and Kevin. I don't know why but I expected them to be full of pretence and somewhat big headed. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were quite the opposite and were a couple of decent down to earth blokes and we all had a laugh and a giggle and the evening went wonderfully. There were two old blokes in the corner too who looked like they had been going into the pub since they were 17 when you could get pissed on a shilling. They too were a decent couple of blokes who seemed to enjoy our compny and had a bit of a laugh with us.
After about five or six pints Kevin and Davy had to leave to get ready for what they had to do and our thoughts turned to curry. We set off in search of a curry house in a way that only people with no food in them and a skin full of ale would. On the way we passed the entrance to the gig and there were a few early queuers. I stopped to see if there was anyone i knew and met a woman who told me my name, even though I had never seen her before in my life. When she said she was called Carrie I thought it was the one I had had spoken to on the message board but now I am not so sure. Any way Carrie it was nice to meet you. Well the curry house didn't appear and when we reached the place I hate the most in the world (after the Beech Guest House(MacDonalds)), some of us decided that a big mac would do. Others among us namely Me, Kattz, Rosey and Lisa decided that it was a curry or nothing and onward we marched (wobbled). We were just on the verge of calling it a day and going chinese when we found ourselves outside an Indian reasaurant. In we went, but our poor empty stomachs and the great amount of beer we had consumed made the half hour wait for the food seem like a fortnight. But come it did. Rosey ordered an English meal as she had never had a curry before. I decided it was time to initiate her and did so......................with my vindaloo. In my defence I only gave her half a fork full. I must say I have never actually seen anyone turn that colour before, and the noises she made I have only heard in an intensive care unit. We thought we had better help her out, so trying to operate within the confines of extreme laughter overload Kattz gave her some lager. It didn't work. She gave her more lager. It didn't work. It took a good ten minutes of resuscitation to bring her back to life. I must admit though, it was a hot one. The rest of Rosey's English meal didn't seem to taste of much after that.
But we all ate and were ready for the big gig. But did anyone know how to get back to the venue? Nope. We wobbled our way down many streets guided by the light from Rosey's tongue and eventually found the town hall.

The Gig

Walking into the Town Hall in Middlesbrough my heart sank. It was 10 minutes before the support came on and the place looked empty. Looking behind me I saw that both of the balcony's were full. I thought this strange. Why would people opt for the top balcony instead of the floor? Maybe they weren't into having a jig about, well it takes all sorts.
So I went down to the bar for a pint. There were quite a few folk down there so I thought the hall would eventually fill up. On returning to the hall I found a very strange man dancing around and smiling a lot in the vicinity of Les Viv and Mo. It turns out that this plonker wasn't a Runrig fan at all but some nut case who had taken a shine to Viv and when Mo had told him he should buy a ticket to the gig did just that. Imagine it.....£20.00 to see a band ye never heard of cos some bird tells you to. A very strange man.
The hall was very small compared to many venues I have seen the band, it was about as tall as it was long. I was to find later though that this was a very good hall for acoustics and the sound was going to be awesome.
Well the lights dimmed and on came Davy Cowan. We had had a joke with him in the pub about the fact that no one seems to take pictures of him, so when he came on we all got the flashes going. After the first song he mentioned that we had spoken and that we were now his fan club for the night. He did about 8 or 10 songs and was warmly accepted by the crowd and enjoyed the gig.
Up with the lights again and change the stage around. The nutter re appeared and did a few more dance moves while smiling like he had a coat hanger stuck in his mouth. Viv moved in to me hoping it would put the nutter off but I don't think he was convinced and hung around.

Then the lights dimmed again. The crowd went bananas and on walked Malcolm in the dark. He picked up his electric bagpipe and started From The North, not instantly recognisable because of the build up. Then on came Bruce and the rest of the boys. A good opener which went down well as it was one of the new ones and thats what we all wanted. Next came Day of days. A little faster than on the album I thought which wasn't really noticable until the part where Rory sings the "I know a man" bit. This too went down well, and then Bruce told us all about how it was the first time they had ever played in Middlesbrough and how great a night we were going to have. He told no lies.
Next came Big Sky followed by An Toll Dubh. This is when I had expected to see the big drums after seeing them on various photo's from the tour, and I was thrown when they didn't appear. Little did I know they were to be saved for later.
A usual concert song came next in the shape of Protect and survive followed by another from the proterra album All The Miles. The video screen behind the boys filled the whole of the back of the small stage and looked impressive showing various moving and still clips of the islands and their people. We had found out earlier from Kevin that the video used for the backdrop was actually on sale on the merchandise stall and was made solely by the people of the Outer Hebrides and that Runrig were taking absolutely no cut for themselves and all of the money was going back to the islanders. We suggested that some of the video's were signed by the band and this would probably boost the sales as they had up to that point only sold one copy. Kevin said he might mention it.
Next came a medley of songs in which the band started to become comfortable with the venue and the crowd. Malcolm having secret jokes with Bruce whilst playing and also making Iain laugh out loud at one point. Glory Road, Every River, and Pride of Summer were covered in their usual inimitable style. Bruce commented between songs about the length of time each band member had been a part of Runrig. Iain winced when he was reminded that he had done a 23 year stint, and of course the two Old Boys who has been there for the full 30 year term had a wry smile on their respective faces when reminded of the fact.
Then came Brians chance to shine as There's A Need was given a good airing. Each time Brian sings Bruce always looks toward him and smiles whilst awaiting the inevitable cheer from the crowd as soon as he has finished. Brian looked a little shy at times to me, but that probably wasn't helped by Mo and Viv who seem when drunk to take great delight in trying to make him blush by waving at him like groupies. He coped admirably and sang well.
Then Rory introduced A Reiteach as the song about the night before a wedding and into it they went. Then the moment for me when the concert turned. Before it we were watching the band play. During it we were transformed, the crowd and the band became one and were to stay as one for the rest of the night. The moment it happened was when the big drums came out and the people in charge of those drums were Malcolm and Brian accompanied by Iain and Calum on the snares. Iain doing the fiddly bits and Calum booming out with his sticks the wrong way round. Rory accompanied on bass. The sound was spine shivering, the band were loving every minute and the crowd were ecstatic. I was right at the front at Malcolms feet and as I looked behind me the whole hall which now looked quite full was bouncing around like crazy.
Then as they all left to discard their drums Malcolm picked up his guitar for the intro to Running To The Light. I remember wishing that he had done the full intro where he makes his guitar sing like a bird, but I soon forgot about that as they blinded us with the brilliance of the song. Next came a song that I love but I know there are those who don't care for it much......Siol Ghoraidh. For me this is one of the best live songs for the band. The stage darkened and Malcolm showed exactly why he is the best guitarist in the world. As the music of the piece got was rising gradually from quiet to the full blown energy of the song he made that guitar make noises that guitars just dont make. The eerie one where he rubs the palm of his hand along the strings, the one where he bends down and touches his amplifier with the head of the guitar and some more where he messes with bits of the guitar that don't even have strings. The song started and instead of the usual two white flags on stage, the video screen showed flags silhouetted on a beach blowing in the wind in the twilight. For me a very powerful and emotional song.
Hearts of Olden Glory came next and Bruce did it justice. He put true feeling into it and it came accross as I believe it was written to come accross. I could even (at the risk of starting a major discussion) say that he sang it as good as Donnie ever did. And I dont mean to criticise anyone there but for me I have always said that Bruce sings the songs written while he was in the band very well but the older songs sung once by Donnie never seemed to have the same meaning and feeling when sung by Bruce. This time it did and I talke my hat off to Bruce for the performance of this song. Excellent.
Empty Glens followed. A song where you can literally sing your heart out and the song is so loud that no one notices you. You can get a sore throat from that one. Malcolm next. Pipes and guitar for the Engine Room, once again, noises you don't expect from a guitar. I kept getting a slight whiff of talcum powder through this one, then I noticed where it was coming from. On Malcoms mike stand is taped a 35mm film canister full of the stuff and when he is close to setting his fingers alight he cools them off and dries them in it. he came close a few times.
Then the song which for me was THE song of the evening. Proterra. I love this song and with the video screen showing the same images of the moving sea as it did at Stirling, all of the thoughts of the day and the history and everything emotional about this wonderful band came flooding back to me. I must admit I had a tear in my eye as I sang my heart out to this number. I suspect I was not the only one.
Skye was next, the song was sung brilliantly and made me think of the summer when I was up in Scotland and to next year when hopefully I will be back again. I have always thought with this song post Donnie that the bit where Rory and Bruce go into the Gaelic bit that Bruce never actually managed to get the true feeling into it. He came close this time, very close and once again I tipped my hat to him.
Then just before the first time to leave the stage Maymornig came on. Oh how I wished it was May and the dark and dingy nights were going.
The crowd in the darkness did the usual Runrig....Runrig.....Runrig chant in the darkness and eventually brian walked back on stage and started a very emotional Angels From The Ashes. This song to me has a special meaning for this reason. When I first heard it I imagined that it was the song they could use on the end of the 30th anniversary DVD, showing the band in picture and slow motion video, from its beginnings right through to the present day. A kind of history of the band in 3 minutes. Next time you hear it try imagining it and see if it doesn't make you cry. Malcolm came on to take the song to its total glory with his guitar and the pair delivered the goods.
Rocket to the moon came next and gave the crowd something to really dance to. Once again the floor was a heaving mass of bodies.
When the band left the stage a second time, something happened which was a first for me. The crowd spontaneously in the dark started to sing Loch Lomond to the band backstage. Even if they had not planned to play it they would have no choice now. Play it they did. This time when it came to the crowd's turn to sing the chorus alone Iain tried to keep some timing by standing and hitting his sticks together.
It didnt work. A crowd singing the chorus of Loch Lomond has a mind of its own and it is not long before the tempo speeds up to warp 9.
Then Bruce did the "I will now teach you a bit of a Gaelic song" bit. Hoken yaw.....Hoken yaw etc.... Once we had all mastered it, it was time to spring his trap. "Ok" he said "I think you have mastered stage one, it is now time for Rory to take you through stage two"
"Are you ready for this?" asked Rory. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES" we all cried. We weren't. He suddenly went into a double speed version of (and this is my phoenetic spelling) Henna na pon a pon henna na pon a pon etc etc etc.............Bruce MADE us try it. Needless to say we failed miserably but had a good laugh trying.
Then Bruce told us how it was amazing that the band had never played Middlesbrough before. I suspect that few of us were from there but I put it down to a combination of a good crowd, a very intimate venue and a band who obviously love being together, love playing their music and love their audience. They finished the night with Book of Golden Stories to which the mutual respect was very evident, both in the crowd and in the eyes of the band, who if they could, I think would have played all night, they were sad to leave the stage that night but happy to have done such a wonderful job. Bruce for me shone. He controlled the crowd and worked hard to make sure everyone had as wonderful a time as he was having. The rest of the band too were obviously over the moon with their performance and I guess it took them a long time to come down from it.
Iain finished off the evening by saying, "I,m sorry but I have to do this" and started off singing Swing Low Sweet Chariot. The crowd joined in and we left happy. Leaving the hall and walking home I was reminded of a line from an old David Bowie song. "Oh to capture just one drop of all the ecstasy that shone that afternoon. To paint that love upon a white balloon. And fly it from the toppest top of all the tops that man has pushed beyond his brain." We walked back to our temporary pig sty happy, we didn't care about the fleas, the rats or the impetigo. The two cockroaches camped outside who refused to go in didn't bother us with their taunts of "scruffy gits" We had had our night and nothing could make us miserable. Our night was made even better when our grime partners Mo and Lesley returned with a signed Proterra tour poster for us and our scurvy mates Kattz and Rosey with a photo of Viv and Malcolm signed by him for her. We shared a few cans while we talked the night away occasionally scratching parts of our bodies and then we bade each other goodnight and settled down for a good nights infection. Home the next day with autographs, memories, much laughter and several tropical deseases we are happy. And we look forward to the time when we can do it all again.

Love to Mo, Les, Kattz, and Rosey.